Another personal post I suppose. Since September I have delved deeper into my Pagan roots, and have forged relations with spirits that have been watching over me. These days I feel quite steady and well-adjusted despite some intense outward circumstances on a familial, national and global scale. I plan to use this winter to meditate and introspect, and work on becoming the woman I am meant to become in all bodies physical and subtle. I realized that fictional media, while I enjoy it, feels better to me as a social thing, and my life is interesting enough where I don’t need lone escapism as much as I may have used it in times beforehand. Fortunately, I am finally gaining new friends again, as well as mutually repairing frayed friendships. Yes, I’m single, we’ll see when that changes but I have deep platonic relations and am blessed with a good family, including an extended family that I ought to open up to and focus on more. However, I still want the taste of romance. Many platonic friends whom I have had incredibly deep and meaningful relations with have come into my life in dramatic ways. I imagine romance could be similar.
I was focusing so much on fictional distractions, but now I want to focus on calmness, presence and awareness in my spiritual practice. At least while alone. Calmness during drama. Guess you could call it a calm-anity.
I am in a very exciting time of my life, but I am being called to have much discipline. I have been working on qi gong, Japanese language and drawing on a more consistent basis. I look to lay a sustainable path that steadily teaches/engages me, with advice from people online for setting it up. I don't exactly know where these pursuits will take me, but I am sure I will head to exciting places with them if I put in the time. I also want to do other physical activities like dancing and yoga, but I have an Achilles' tendon that needs to heal up first.
I was inspired to dance more after watching a clip of someone dancing at Anime Expo 2024. At this point I still feel like an outsider looking in. I don't go onto much social media unless YouTube and Discord count. I mostly like to set up camp in a distant little space online instead. I curate the anime I watch, possibly excessively, and this might be making me feel like I am an outsider as well. There is a Touhou convention that has started in California, and it sounds like a lot of hassle to get there in the first place. I wouldn't actually mind dancing in front of a crowd, I do have a theatrical side like that, but I need to work some things out first before that would happen. I don't mind having some time to myself to a point, drawing and dancing and studying Japanese etc., but I don't want such solitude to last forever. I've had people lately that I've distanced myself from, or more commonly they moved further away and also became busy. The thing is, though, that my life is truly improving and despite circumstances I feel more free than I have before.
Cringeto a Generation Apparently All Saying they have been Betrayed: or,
CringeFaith versus
BasedFaith
In my spiritual journey I have noticed two distinct camps commonly found outside of strictly religious settings. Generally, the first is a more secretive, academic side that often is or comes across as macabre. Often these people are quite left‑brained, and can be accomplished in occult scholarship. However, there are other people on this side that seem more in it for the fun, or even more, seem to cling to the more paranormal but less mystical things for their sense of enchantment, even if (or because) the legends are quite scary. This is, of course, totally understandable. Both of these sub-archetypes in these sorts of spiritual communities can be fallible to stepping into dangerous territory, often encouraged by pride, loneliness, vindictiveness or not realizing they are performing mad science. The other type of community I have seen clearly is more right brain‑dominant fluff‑bunnies. You know, crystals, herbs, candles, moongazing, Instagram. These people can take faith and sometimes intuition for granted, while these traits are seen as either faults or envied treasures by the academic occult circles. The fluffy types can come across as shallow or deluded, with less logic than the secretive types except for the particularly ungrounded loreheads, but the fluffy types often seem happier. There may be a big temptation to chastise the fluff-bunnies for lacking rigor, not to mention some making their spirituality more a game of making money. But I am increasingly believing judgment often comes from envy, and there can be much to be envied from them.
I’ve been in both types of communities, and have found like‑minded people. However, instead of feeling like a bigger community, I mainly felt like I just clicked with those certain people and felt cut off from the larger spiritual community. To be honest, part of my discomfort is likely to stem from the communities being rooted in Western tradition, when I am significantly transplanted towards much Eastern philosophy. There are not many public Eastern gatherings where I live, and I have not yet found out if or how to move. The dualistic divide in the West has been severe for a very long time, and it may be letting out its death throes now, which may be frightening. From the perspective of younger generations, promised so much but seemingly granted so little, the questions being brought up at this time can be incredibly stressful and mind‑boggling. In this environment there is fertile ground for all sorts of alternative schools of thought. But I have personally felt pressure that I am cringe
for being more optimistic sometimes. What I usually say is that it is not that these days are worse, it is more that these days the problems are more brought to light. For all the suffering from anxiety and depression this can induce, it is pushing people, en masse, to go inward and ask themselves the most crucial questions. We are becoming more wise, discerning, sovereign. And most of this work will stick, I do believe, because it is more precious and deeper than sex, drugs and rock n’ roll this time. Sometimes we don’t realize how much we are doing in our seemingly little lives getting through our personal predicaments and influencing others, who will influence others in turn. It adds up to so much, much more than the insufferable work of politicians and CEOs. I am feeling less pressure to not offend people for my truth, a Stoic attitude that has been a long time coming.
I’ve talked a bit before about what people consider based
. It usually appears to be something memeworthy, spoken with confidence and adept rhetoric, something that appears to be established in a sort of foundation. It appears that it would be easy for certain cons to produce, especially more masculine-signalling ones. Many people would call them strongmen, personally I would call this the epic man
phenomenon. It can be so easy to go back to football attitudes when one is so confused and to root for one of these folk, especially when they are espousing things that seem so familiar. I would say that younger generations of men are particularly vulnerable to these sorts. I encourage others to spread their wings to philosophies and movements beyond their current familiar territory (using their instincts to feel them out before believing anything), and to what may be something truly based in disguise. Including exploring certain aspects of the fluff‑bunnies.
Yesterday I read the excellent, nonviolent book The Next Full Moon by Carolyn Turgeon. I may read it again and make a review. I have also added more information about the Baldur's Gate series in the fairy media section, including about the series' most recent tour de force, Baldur's Gate III.
I have been taking in more information about the latest discoveries regarding Gaia's ecosystem. It seems that I have finally started to transcend being knocked down by the doom narratives woven throughout so many books, documentaries, etc. I am starting to internalize that Gaia is not only alive, but capable of rejuvenation. I also did some statistics about tree populations, and it appears that we are on the right track with restoration at least with forests, although more experience and know‑how is definitely welcome here. Let's hope that we get through this epoch of history as smoothly as we can. We are being called to make a difference. If you feel trapped by circumstances from being able to have a dream vocation, or from being an activist etc., I would suggest digging deeper within yourself to see if you are truly trapped. Maybe you will find you actually do have opportunities and resources that have been under your nose the whole time. If you are truly trapped
it may feel more like it is meant to be
, as one can learn so much in limited circumstances. I would know! These days, though, there is starting to be almost boundless opportunities for making a difference. Maybe you need some help first, though. That is okay. And if you feel so trapped that you don't feel like you can even get started to make a difference, remember that you can always meditate/pray for positive outcome. This affects the quantum field; we are all connected. What I am saying is that you have power. I believe that if things suck right now that they will get better. It is a very special time to be alive. A more informed but anxiety‑ridden populace needs some time to get through matters, we just have to accept this. As much as it can be tempting to idolize living in past eras (My weakness is the 90's!), please remember that there was much more ignorance back then in so many ways, and even suffering. We'll get through this!
I wrote a synopsis for a story I am writing, and seeing how much it can be fleshed out before turning it into a full‑fledged story. The story is very relevant to this blog.
Added a section about video games in my About me
page.
Added a section about safety in dealing beyond the veil. Always take the utmost precaution with the paranormal. Be discerning, balanced, humble. Even the studying of metaphysics should be given a good dose of caution.
Added Frieren: Beyond Journey's End to the manga section and made it clear that I have a lot to learn about the fae. I have decided I will probably add some personal reviews of some of the series I have read, so hopefully some come out soon.
About Mepage has been updated about a week ago.
Hello everyone, and happy Imbolc. I have not updated this blog in almost a year, again. Maybe I will finally make it a regular habit, or not. I did update the About Me
page a few days ago, about my love for basements.
I was watching some videos on YouTube regarding overarching theories of civilization. I often find Western anthropology rather myopic, to this day. There may be egos in anthropology that are trying to push pet theories while being ignorant, reflexively dismissive or worse about other theories or aspects outside their specialty or palate. I once took a class in community college and it did seem fairly balanced and evidence-based, though. Still, even if one's beliefs are truly based off sound evidence, one can still have blind spots about certain aspects. I have noticed that anthropology can stretch the limits of what it means to be conservative
in the popular sense. Believing in astrology and celebrating traditional pagan festivals on the Wheel of the Year may be considered by people as New Age compared to the traditions of Christianity, despite often being older customs. Another thing I have been wondering about tradition is that, in a lower narrative, how can those with identities associated with modernists and progressives create traditions that are seen as traditions? For any tradition even, does it simply take a great deal of time with either approval by a cultural powerhouse, such as infant baptism by the Roman Catholic Church, or with its own sheer momentum and memeworthiness, like the long fascination with The Breakfast Club? How can people considered supported by progressives make their own traditions seem valid to those who are opposed to progressivism if it doesn't fit into a status quo, or at least isn't something that seems old and slapped with a superficial label of based
? Conservative influencers may say things like the Left is a wrecking ball that does not believe in anything, but in my experience with leftists there are a great deal of one could say traditions or proto-traditions, such as memes, aesthetics and etiquette. The subcultures frequently found on the Left often go back decades or centuries. Yes, they do make newer internet memes with arguably little to no roots to anything else, but the right is just as productive in making them. At that point a conservative may say something like Well, do they believe in God?
But even secularity, considered one of the most telltale signs of postmodernism in the West, can be made into tradition. This is the case with atheism in philosophical Buddhism, which has lasted for millennia. Is it simply time and a given presence in society that creates a cozy status quo which makes a tradition feel depolarized, or polarized to the other side, then to be eventually challenged? For instance, Pagan versus Abrahamic. I for one want to continue depolarizing over these sorts of things. Tradition can clearly be polarized towards the opposite side of a binary over time, and my goal is to be above the pendulum. I want to appreciate Hatsune Miku as much as vernacular Polish culture.
One very interesting subject I studied for awhile last year was Neolithic archaeology and anthropology. One of the most groundbreaking discoveries is that not all cultures were overly warlike, even back then. Much of the more macho and chauvinistic aspects of Western society may stem back to the Yamnaya people, otherwise known as the Indo-Europeans. They were pastoral, and were considered bellicose and aggressive. The Yamnaya peoples had at least two great advantages. First, they were able to drink animal milk, which would have been a priceless blessing as a nutritional source back then. Secondly, they are generally believed to be the first to tame horses for riding. They eventually spread west into Northern Europe, absorbing cultures such as the Funnelbeaker and manifesting the Corded Ware and Bell Beaker culture. They also went east into Iran and Northern India. Their language is the root ancestor of the Indo-European languages family, the most spoken language family on the planet. However, something interesting is that there is another people that lived in Neolithic times in modern Moldova and Ukraine which are a foil to the Yamnaya, called the perhaps difficult to remember name the Cucuteni-Trypillia people. They are said to be very peaceable and lived in egalitarian towns of thousands of people, which according to researchers had no evidence of political leaders. They went out of their towns to hunt, but are generally not believed to have been aggressive towards people. It is said that the Indo-Europeans started to have skirmishes with the Cucuteni-Trypillia and eventually absorbed them. Granted, the study of the Cucuteni-Trypillia has been muddled by divides in academia between Occidental and Post-Soviet scholars, but there are many other examples of peaceable, less competitive cultures from Neolithic times.
The point I am trying to make is that even what are considered the most fundamental examples of human nature can have bold exceptions, demonstrated if one does the research. My non-empirical hunch is that we are undergoing feminization as a civilization to balance out what was an abusive masculine-biased imbalance roughly around since René Descartes and the Age of Reason, and in truth with its roots going back millennia to those collectives that chose ego-stroking conquest and domination. Now there is more research being done on psychedelics and intuitive sense and ability, running against the rational-materialist establishment. Things are going so fast, though, it can feel like all of us are losing our minds. Personally, after all the trials I've gone through, and my meditations, I do feel much more equipped for chaos than before. Let us hope that we can, as a collective unconscious, work to create a smoother transition to a bright future.
I have been clearing up some ambiguity in the various pages. Also I am finally updating this blog section again.
Reached 1,000 views (!)
Started working on it again.
Start of Faeweb. It was very basic and I took a break since I had a hard time understanding the server's erratic updating.